How to ( not) write a book: 25 easy steps

Step 1. Your wonderful husband is working the late shift today, meaning you got to sleep in a little bit and he helped out with the kids all morning. SCORE!

Step 2. Now, its 12:30pm and you aren’t emotionally exhausted and drained of all life force and yet its almost nap time. Things are looking good!

Step 3. Put baby down for nap.

Step 4. Take toddler to potty.

Step 5. See pile of towels half way put away on the counter and remember you have laundry in the washer.

Step 6. Run and switch out the laundry

Step 7. Read stories to toddler and 5 year old.

Step 8. Put toddler down for rest time.

Step 9. Run around house finding her blanket and stuffed animal for her.

Step 10. Tell 5 year old that his “quiet time is starting”

Step 11. Tell him to stop following you around the house. QUIET TIME HAS STARTED.

Step 12. Realize you’re incredibly thirsty. Probably because you haven’t had anything to drink since your morning coffee at 8am. Oops

Step 13. Get yourself glass of water, realize lunch things are still all over the counter. BUT NO! You are focused! You WILL work on your book edits today!!

Step 14. FORCE SELF TO LEAVE KITCHEN.

Step 15. Tell 5 year old to STOP FOLLOWING YOU AROUND! GO TO YOUR QUIET LEGO CORNER NOW!!!!

Step 16. Realize your computer is dead.

Step 17. Track down cord for computer.

Step 18. Settle into chair with computer and cord.

Step 19. Realize you left glass of water and baby monitor in room with 5 year old. Go retrieve it. Field questions about afternoon plans.

Step 20. Settle into chair with computer, cord, baby monitor and glass of water. YOU. ARE. SO. READY.

Step 21. Baby monitor starts beeping. Battery is dying. Go retrieve cord for baby monitor.

Step 22. Settle into chair with computer, cord, baby monitor and its cord, glass of water…You are SO READY to work! Then you realize that baby has now woken up.

Step 23. Just give up already.

Step 24. Write this post.

Step 25. Try again later?!?! !

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