I hear, and my body trembles;
my lips quiver at the sound;
rottenness enters into my bones;
my legs tremble beneath me.
Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble
to come upon people who invade us.
Though the fig tree should not blossom
nor there be fruit on the vines.
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will take joy in the God of my salvation
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like deer;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Today I visited my OB, not to be confused with my fetal natal doctor. I will be seeing these two doctors alternating every week. Yup, that’s us…the doctors office people. But, believe me, I’m not complaining. When my doctor said she wanted me to be seen by somebody every week and then apologized, I did not feel annoyed. No, I don’t care how much trouble it is…I want to see those babies every single week. Even if its hard.
Today it was so hard. Seeing Baby B scrunched up in the corner with only a tiny amount of fluid around her, and Baby A swimming in a positive sea of fluid. Knowing that this is just a tale tale sign of Twin to twin transfusion. One baby getting too much ( that’s actually very dangerous) and the other not getting enough ( clearly dangerous). I can’t even express to you the fear. How hard it is to see them up there on the screen. To love them already even when their just little black and white skeletony shapes. I am reminded again of Is 49:5 “Can a woman forget her nursing child or show no compassion for the child of her woman? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget.” What a comfort that is to me, knowing how impossible it seems to forget these little girls. But they are loved already by a Heavenly Father who knew them before we even knew they existed. They are His. And I must, must trust in Him.
All the doctors keep repeating what a “Long Road” I have ahead…and they can really go ahead and stop saying it. Believe me, I know.
If it were not for the promise of His being with us, the One who does not leave us, does not forsake us, even when our hearts are breaking, then I cannot even imagine taking a step down such a Road. I am thankful for His love for us, for even when I am quite literally quaking in my boots, we can rely on Him to hold us up.