Not for the faint of heart

Baby Einstein possibly created Ransom’s first therapist talking point last night…

So, Brett being gone until all hours of the night, me fighting off fatigue, Ransom being cranky/clinging, and the can’t-put-it-off-any-longer need to unload and reload the dishwasher, all came together yesterday evening and I put in Ransom’s new Baby Einstein DVD: Baby Shakespeare

The creepy depiction of shakespeare-frog should have been a tip off

So, all was going swimmingly and I was putting away the last of the five million sippy cups when Ransom starts crying. And not, whiny-I-need-attention crying or this-is-boring-come-play-with-me crying, but SOMETHING-SCARED-ME crying. 
So I hurry and scoop him up to console him and I rewind the DVD to see the culprit. ( and yes, I’m still holding my baby and so I’m probably about to re-live the earlier scared moment, never mind that…) 
Anyway, this is what I see: 
HOLY CHILD SCARRING BATMAN! This is seriously the “toys” they like to depict on this DVD?!?! Seriously?!?! I mean, I’m a grown woman and I’m going to have nightmares!!!
Anyway, I shake my head and Ransom and I start playing in the entry way ( the echo in there is excellent if you’re 1 and you like the sound of your own voice….or if you’re 27 and you’ve deliriously tired)…now, don’t judge, but I forgot to turn off the DVD so its still pumping out the classical tunes and showing us pictures of random children and pretty-pretty things ( and every so often quoting a sonnet in a semi-creepy voice) when THERE IT IS AGAIN!!! THE EVIL EVIL MONKEY IS BACK!!! 
And it just so happened that Ransom caught sight of the TV at just that moment and, if I wasn’t sure before, I was DEFINITELY sure the second time when Ransom FROZE in the spot and stared at the TV in horror. His little eyes started to well up with tears before I whipped him around and distracted him with a truck going by outside the window. Ahhhh to be one and have that kind of attention span! 
The moral of this story is stick to Praise Baby DVDs ( hahaha! I bet you thought I was going to say something like, “stick to reading” or something! hahah! You’re funny!) ..I don’t care if they try to woo you with Shakespeare and a child who can quote sonnets at the age of 2….there are some TWISTED people making Baby Einstein DVDs. 

5 thoughts on “Not for the faint of heart

  1. Oh man! Poor thing had a rough day overall. Who would put something like that on a child DVD?!? I'm with you on having nightmares about that!:)

  2. Poor thing! When we started letting Eden watch TV it was a best of Elmo Sesame Street DVD. When Whoopie Goldberg came on for the first time, she went to pieces! Never figured out why, but we always had to fast forward that part.

  3. Abigail, I'm still coming back to this post just for a good laugh. The absurdity of that monkey with the ominous teeth, “i'm going to keel you” googly eyes, and cymbals ready to smash your head between them as he comes after you portrayed on a dvd for small children gets me every time! still laughing as i write this, even!
    -Adelaide

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