Meditations Ministry

a choice of the heart

By on July 31, 2015
My Facebook feed is a CONSTANT stream of abortion videos and blog posts these last few weeks. The horrors that have been exposed are truly jaw dropping, but they are also not surprising. What is surprising is that so many are acting as though this is some outrageous oversight of our government that if we just elected the right people then all this would be “stopped”. But all of this abortion talk has reminded of me of what I wrote in my book draft but in the end it turned out to not be a part of the story I was telling. However, as time as passed. I see now that it is still an important part of MY story. So here it is:
…..The other important thing about my surgery, happened in Pre-OP as well.  While Dr. R was going to be performing the surgery, his boss, Dr. B-who is the head of the Fetal Medicine Department was going to be assisting him in surgery. Dr. B came in and went over all the options that we’d been given the night before one more time before the surgery, just to make sure we fully understood our choices. After going through the list, he said, “Oh, or you could get an abortion, which I’m assuming you don’t want to do because you’re here…”


Now I’ve thought about this a lot more since then, because at the time I just rushed on past it assuring him that we wanted this surgery and off we went to the next battle that needed to be fought. But I’ve since had time to think and  I learned something really interesting that day. In fact, I learned it pretty distinctly over the next few days actually. While I did not get an abortion, obviously, I did lose a baby in the next 36 hours. I saw a baby go from being incredibly active, to very very still, to completely still. I saw that happen with my two eyes. She was 20 weeks to the day.
Did you know that you can have a late term abortion up to 24 weeks in the state of Texas? I did not. Or if I did, I hadn’t thought about it.
Now, I’m not a political person. I’m a staunch Libertarian and libertarian candidates never make it very far. I hate talking about politics because they make people MAD. Whether a person is right or whether they are wrong. Whether they are arguing or agreeing with the person they are talking to- no one EVER seems to leave the conversation uplifted and hopeful and happy. Well, maybe not ever, but it’s rare. So rare, that my rule is that I do not talk about politics. But luckily, I’ve realized that by talking about Abortion I’m not breaking my rule at all, because what I learned was that abortion is not a matter of politics. And if we try and find the answer there we will keep on searching forever. 
Because, you see, I watched my daughter die in utero. And just because she was a “fetus” and just because she had not breathed air in the same way that we do, does not mean that she was not a human little girl fighting for life. Every single child deserves a chance at life. And let me tell you, I know what a heavy statement that is! This world can be cruel and it can be unfair and it can definitely deal really harsh hands, even to babies- but thinking of all that negative leaves out Hope. The hope of all the good that can come from a Life. Even a very tiny life. I believe that my daughter, Priscilla will impact this world even though she did not ever see it. Any baby who someone has dared to love has already changed the world just a little bit, they have impacted a Life and therefore they have altered the course of that other Life from that point on.  Isn’t that amazing? If you have loved a tiny baby that has miscarried, or has died after only living for a few hours or days-that baby has had a very full life indeed, it will ever afterwards, have changed your course and the course of anyone else that baby’s life touched!! And I think of all those babies who have been aborted, and, like never before I see them as I saw my own daughter. A person.  A life. A chance. But I also see the other person in the room: The Mama ( and sometimes the Daddy is there too). The ones who made the awful choice. They too are a person and a life and a chance. And oh, how my heart breaks for them too. Because abortion is a matter of the heart.
And so I don’t think politics is the solution to the Abortion problem in our world. It has become such a political hotbed that I think I had just pushed it into the “governmental pile” of my brain, but in actuality it should be front and center of my human rights pile. Friends, our society needs help if we are going to save babies lives. We need to help families and children, women and mothers, men and fathers. I, as a believer in Jesus, need to spread His Love. Because I truly believe that that is going to be the only thing that can truly stop the terrible Lie of Abortion to end. If we look to our government to put a stop to abortion in our communities then we are only pointing a finger at someone else to stop a problem that at its very root is sitting in the heart of Man. When it comes down to it, men and women are sitting at home, in hospital rooms, in clinics, in their cars, in classrooms, in offices making a Decision to choose Life or choose Death. It is a decision we are all making ( though often much more subtle) each and every day. Friends, the choice of Life is personal, and we serve a PERSONAL God. If we do not make it our priority to share HIM and the glorious choice He gives us then we are not doing our part. And in the same way if we do not share Love in a very tangible way with the lost of this world then once again, we are not doing our part. What sends men and women into abortion clinics and what allows others to take part in abortions is a strong and very real example of the lack of Life and Hope and Love we as a people are dealing with here in this World, but then that’s also pretty much the definition of a sinful world. So instead of acting surprised or shocked that it is happening we should be fighting with every fiber of our being to spread the Good news of Jesus Christ who came to die for all sinners ( abortion clinics and all) before it is truly too late.
  1. Reply

    Victor Ornelas

    July 31, 2015

    This is one of the most beautifully written things I've ever read. Thank you for sharing Abigail. You moved my heart and my emotions with your story. I can't wait to read more.

  2. Reply


    August 1, 2015

    LIFE, physical and spiritual , is a battle and your message is powerful Abigail. Thank you for TRUTH and greater understanding of myself and others “choices”

  3. Reply

    Aunt Sheron

    August 1, 2015

    Very well said. Did you put this on facebook–public? Please do.