A ball of nerves

I woke up this morning in a haze of nerves. And then I remembered why. It’s the first day of school. I would like to say it snuck up on me or something but it really didn’t. I’ve been a crazy person for a solid week. I know this because why else would a person clean out two hall closets and a laundry room when she really should just be doing her regular chores?

I call it stress cleaning.

But this year I took it up a notch and I also stress shopped on Amazon. This was a new one and I’m super embarrassed about it, mostly because I woke up this morning ( in that haze I was just talking about) and my phone had about six notifications from Amazon about my various orders and I could not really remember any of them. Eeek.

In case you’re wondering ( like I was) what I purchased during my late night Amazon blackout:

  • A new diffuser ( I already have four…)
  • A charging cord for my Bissell floor sweeper ( this sort of makes sense since I found the sweeper when I was cleaning out one of those hall closets, but I realized I didn’t have a way to charge it- lost in the move over two years ago!)
  • 3 wall hooks ( for backpacks? I guess? Seems like a good idea Haze-Abigail!)
  • A shower brush ( it has a little hook so I can comb out my hair in the shower..ok.)
  • Some sticker paper ( for my new planner…you guys, that’s another thing I stress-did last week…I hyper organized my planner).
  • A ninja turtle jacket ( this one was weird, but it was also under $5 so I’m guessing that’s why Haze-Abigail got it)
  • A red and white stripped dress for Tabitha ( very cute! But did she need it, Haze-Abigail?)
  • Sight word magnets for the fridge ( sure, sure, pre-stressed about Tabitha not reading and she hasn’t had day one of kindergarten yet!)
  • A pair of swim trunks a size too big for Ransom ( sure, they were also under $5…but still)

I will probaby send half of it back…but there you go. I’m confessing my new low to all of you.

So there you go. Tabitha started kindergarten. Ransom went into 2nd grade and once again I allow my kids to go off and let other people pour into them for 8 hours a day. Its such a strange thing, and I question God about it every year. But He knows best and considering how excited both the kids were this morning, I am praying for a good, good year ahead.

To be honest, I had several different blog posts planned out. One where I review our summer and give the final skinny on all our summer plans. I will do this, and hopefully soon, mostly for my own memory! But in the end this is the post that came.

My raw feelings of this last week in August, when my children go to school and when I remember the loss of my baby girl way back 6 years ago. I can not believe it has been six years! But when I look at Tabitha, I know its true. I have mourned the loss of what could have been- sisters, friends, a little identical Priscilla running around- this week for those last 6 years and while in a way it seems easier, it also can seem surprisingly the same. And I suppose that’s ok.

So today I cut myself a break. I forgive myself for Haze Shopping and for Stress Cleaning. I get in the Word and remind myself Who has it all in His mighty hand.

For I am the Lord you God, who holds your right hand, Who says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” – Isaiah 41:13


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